Mother-in-law calls 31-year-old daughter-in-law childish for not forcing her 9-year-old stepdaughter to call her mom, DIL doubles down on upholding stepdaughter’s boundaries

Author image for Briana Viser
Briana Viser • Writer and Editor
May 24, 2025 12:00 PM EDT

Salutations, internet creatures. There's nothing like childhood. You're young, you're carefree, you have no responsibilities and you don't know the horrors of adulthood yet, usually. Unfortunately, not everyone is afforded a traumaless childhood. Some children grow up in dysfunctional homes, divorced parents, mean older siblings, or being mistreated at school. When you think about it, being a kid is much harder than being an adult in a way. You're so overwhelmed with emotions, and everything is so new. You don't even have coping mechanisms or a developed frontal lobe to be able to discern how to approach situations, deal with them, self-soothe, or even communicate properly. 

In the story below, the protagonist is a woman whose stepdaughter has some childhood traumas. The protagonist is extremely understanding of this, and wants to do whatever she can to uphold her stepdaughter's requests and boundaries. That is until her MIL gets between her stepdaughter and her. Her MIL wants her to force her stepdaughter to call her mom. Read the full story below for all the juicy details. 

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  • 01

    AITA for ignoring my MIL when she brings up my stepdaughter as my husband suggested?

    Cheezburger Image 10508860160
    via Zinkevych from Getty Images / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    I've (31f) been married to my husband James (34m) for three years. James has a daughter Flora (9) from a previous relationship. While James and I welcomed our son together 4 months ago. To get to the problem I should provide some more details. James and I met
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233

  • It sounds like the protagonist is really sensitive and empathetic to her stepdaughter's situation, and the MIL should respect that. There's no point forcing a 9-year-old into something, it won't go anywhere. Forcing will only make them resent and fight back more, doing unreputable damage. 

  • 03
    4 years after his breakup from Flora's mom. They didn't actually stay together for very long after she was born. We dated for just under two years when we got married. My relationship with Flora has had some highs and lows. There were difficulties between James and Flora's mom when I entered Flora's life. She didn't like Flora meeting me.
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  • 04
    Then a couple of weeks after James and I got married, Flora lost her mom. She was with her at the time. And it has caused understandable trauma. It added some strain to our relationship too.
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  • 05
    Our relationship isn't entirely bad. I love her and she doesn't hate me. But she does have a hard time being close to me. She's in therapy, we all were at one point and we did family therapy. She does not like me being called her mom or me and James being referred to as her parents. And she does not like
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233
  • 06
    being called my daughter. I respect those things. And I also make sure to respect her and James' time together.
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  • 07
    The trouble with MIL started when I was pregnant. MIL asked Flora if she was excited to be a big sister and Flora said no. Then she said she wasn't going to be a big sister. MIL told her that her parents were going to have a baby which made her a big sister and Flora told her
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233
  • 08
    not her parents, her dad was having another baby. Her mom can't ever have a baby and her parents would never have one together even if her mom was here to. MIL didn't like the correction and she told Flora that it was very clear who she was referring to. Flora went to tell James and he spoke to MIL and asked her to leave.
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  • 09
    I wasn't there when this happened but MIL confronted me about it after and asked why Flora was playing naive when she called me and James her parents. I told her Flora doesn't like that and reminded her that we'd had some added difficulties since Flora's mom
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233
  • 10
    dod. MIL told me I should be putting my foot down about Flora not recognizing me as her parent and that it's rode when she plays naive like that. I told her I didn't want to fight and I wasn't going to discuss it more with her. That she should talk to James. She said this was on me.
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    via D-Keine from Getty Images Signature / Canva

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  • 12
    It came up several times afterward and James told me to ignore his mom if she was being that way and he'd deal with her since she's his mom. He told me any time she tries to bring up Flora, I can be sure what she wants to say and ignore her. So I do.
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233
  • 13
    Then two weeks ago there was another incident with MIL and Flora. MIL called me Flora's mom and Flora corrected her and started screaming at MIL. Again I wasn't there and James was and he dealt with it but MIL didn't like how it was dealt with. She didn't like being
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233
  • 14
    told I was not Flora's mom. She tried to discuss it with me which I took to mean she wanted to berate of fight me into agreeing with her. But I didn't respond to her attempts at talking about this with me. Even when she told me I should be listening to the advice of someone older and wiser. MIL told me I was making all the mistakes |
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  • 15
    could and ruining our chance to be a family and tough love was required to make Flora love, respect and accept me.
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  • 16
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    via Noppol Mahawanjam / Canva

    This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 17
    When MIL became aware I was ignoring her when she brought this up, and I even turned around and walked away from her on the street the other day, she called me out for being childish. James' older sister said James was giving me bad
    via u/Plenty_Reading_7233
  • 18
    advice and I should not ignore MIL and should sit and talk to her and let her feel like she's being heard. That I'm making things worse. AITA?
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  • 19
    Sweeti3 Maize • 12h ago You're NTA for sticking to the boundaries you and James set. Flora's comfort with what she calls you matters more than your MIL's opinions, and James asked you to let him handle his mom when she
    via u/Sweeti3 Maize
  • 20
    presses the issue If MIL tries again, a brief "I've already talked to James, and he'll speak with you about it" is enough. You don't owe her a debate over what Flora calls you especially when it upsets. your stepdaughter. Your husband can manage his mother. You're just protecting your family's peace.
    via u/Sweeti3 Maize
  • 21
    ColdAnimal2587 • 12h ago NTA, but consider being proactive to diffuse some challenge in your own home. You've accepted Flora's position with regard to your title as dad's wife and mother to a half sibling. What does the therapist think about the
    via u/ColdAnimal2587
  • 22
    three of you offering and signing onto a a letter to MIL detailing the boundaries and titles that your household has agreed upon? This may help Flora understand you are not trying to take the place of her, dear departed mother, and will not let other people force that. She might welcome your support.
    via u/ColdAnimal2587
  • 23
    Cute-Profession9983 • 12h ago NTA. Do her maternal grandparents/family have any involvement? Either way, MIL, by forcing the issue, is the one driving a wedge into the girl wanting to incorporate into the family.
    via u/Cute-Profession9983
  • 24
    SpecialProfile2697 • 12h ago The only way Flora will respect you and potentially allow a relationship to develop is if you let her take the lead. If MIL ever brings this up in front of Flora, be sure to defend her feelings and position. It will show Flora that
    via u/SpecialProfile2697
  • 25
    she can count on you even when it may negatively impact you.
    via u/SpecialProfile2697

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